


Chuck Is Not A Hero

by sassystarrynight



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: AU ending, Daddy Issues, F/M, Family, Gen, Identity Issues, M/M, Minor Character Death, Pre-Slash, Spoilers, Unrequited Crush, friendships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-18
Updated: 2013-07-18
Packaged: 2017-12-20 14:02:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/888115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassystarrynight/pseuds/sassystarrynight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His mom calls him a hero, but he doesn't feel like one. He strives to be one, but he always comes short. At least he has Max. </p><p>This is the life of Chuck Hansen. The egotistical jerk, with daddy issues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chuck Is Not A Hero

**Author's Note:**

> I ship Chuck/Raleigh, wanted this to focus on them, hardly even made it on here. But I consider it pre-slash. At least on Chuck's side. 
> 
> I know nothing about Chuck's family and background, so.....yeah.....
> 
> Max. I love Max. He needs to be in the fandom more.
> 
> I have only seen the film once, so it was hard trying to remember everything. I still trying to find the character voices. Chronology was hard for me because I have so little information, I kind of skewed it and gave a very vague sense of it.  
> This was not suppose to be this long to begin with......
> 
> ADDITION: So we get the backstory in the Pacific Rim book? So most of this is AU. I tried guys.

He doesn’t remember those last few moments of his life. Of what were supposed to be the last few moments of his life.

…………………..

Instead, he sees her, with her wide big smile and golden hair, flowing in the wind. She smiles at him, hand outstretched, beckoning him.

“Come on Chuck, you can do it. I got you, just come to mama.”

He is ten months when he makes the great achievement of walking to her, of putting one foot in front of the other. Chuck reaches her and promptly falls into her arms. She picks him up and twirls him. Her laugher rings in his ears and it is the most beautiful sound he has ever heard.

……………………

“Look at you, my gorgeous boy.” She tells him as she gets him ready for his first day of daycare. He is bigger than the other kids, a bit clumsy still, but she tells him how he’ll grow out of it. He will be handsome, just like his father; she always praises him. There will be girls and boys fawning over him, he’ll be the best catch out there, handsome and polite, caring.

He hugs her, every morning when she drops him off and every time she picks him up.

Daycare is fun, he makes friends and they love him. He is happy, never been happier, and he couldn’t imagine how things could get any better. When he lies in bed, snuggled between his parents during a thunderstorm, all he feels is protection, warmth, love, and he prays with his heart that he will always have this.

………………………….

He is seven years old; he remembers the rush to the hospital, his dad had been in an accident. His mom sits still in the waiting room, a tight smile on her lips, her hand patting his.

“Your papa is a strong one Chuck, he’ll be ok. You’ll see,” she tells him, confident, proud, and he believes her. His papa will be fine and Chuck smiles, not noticing the way her eyes tear up, nor the way she excuses herself to go to the bathroom so he better stay right there, ok?

And Herc does make it; he is home after two days, to be pampered by the two of them. Chuck helps his mom cook, but he is still too small, he ends up only watching her cook. He does help fluff dad’s pillow.

 _I love you_.

His family clusters together, the three of them, loving each other, happy. Chuck had experienced in that moment the fear and panic of losing someone. But he forgets it, decides to not think about it, because his dad is safe now, everything is ok.

Until his mom falls sick, blood covering her hands as she coughs into them. Chuck doesn’t know what to do as he watches the crimson liquid run down her arms. He rushes to the phone, calls the emergency line, he knows he can do this. They had told him many times but he panics, can’t spit out the words fast enough, clear enough. Somehow, he manages to give his directions and that his mother is coughing up blood.

She smiles at him as they wait for the ambulance. There is blood on her shirt, but her hands are clean now, so she holds his hand. He never forgets the blood, nor how pale she looked, nor the love and pride in her eyes when she looked at him.

“My hero,” she calls him as she is wheeled away, and he tries to beam at her, through his tears, but he is afraid. He doesn’t know what is wrong with her, but she calls him a hero and heroes don’t cry, so he wipes his cheeks and rubs his eyes.

His father rushes to the hospital and they tell him what is wrong. He watches his father crumble,;his father, just crumbles and Chuck realizes that things are bad. But for the longest time he can’t comprehend exactly what is going on.

_What do you mean mama is dying? She can’t be dying! She can’t! No! they can fix her! they are doctors! Tell them to fix her! TELL THEM!!_

His dad holds him but he doesn’t feel it. He just feels cold.

“Hey, there is my hero,” his mom mutters every time she sees him. He is no hero, he can’t save her.

She smiles, soft, gentle, understanding, holding his hand the whole time he is there. He tells her about school, about how his friendsmade her a get well card. Tells her how dad was working hard, but they were doing good. She sighs in relief, squeezing his hand, until she can’t, because she doesn’t have the strength anymore.

Chuck watches her waste away. There is no more cluster of protection, love and warmth. There is only coldness, until finally she takes her last breath.

He stands by his dad as they bury her. They don’t say anything, they don’t know how. Their pain is indescribable, insurmountable, and his dad gives him time because he needs the time too.

Except, they don’t talk about it, they never do. They become used to the silence, to keeping feelings bottled away, and so they don’t talk anymore.

School is his only escape, where his friends gather around him.

For the next six months, he works to finish second grade with his best scores. The last time he would ever get them, because his dad needs to move for work. They can’t stay there, there is no one to take care of Chuck. He spends as much time with his friends as he can those last days. He hugs them, and he still remembers their teary faces, wishing him the best. They would keep in touch…they promised…but they didn’t.

……………….

On his eigth birthday, the first since the death of his mother, he doesn’t want to wake up. There will be no hugs, no kisses, no big birthday cake, nothing. But Chuck does wake up eventually.

He wakes up to find Max sitting on his bed, tongue sticking out. He is not alone anymore and he cherishes Max like he is his world. It almost makes up for the fact that his dad can’t be there for him on this day. Almost.

Still, he takes Max in, raising him. He makes sure that he always has food, water, everything. He is his only real friend, always at his side. When it is late at night and he is finishing his assignments, or when a thunderstorm hits their area, Max curls next to him and Chuck is not alone. It is enough.

It almost stops hurting, the fact that his dad is rarely home.

He doesn’t make friends easy anymore, putting on a smirk on his lips, using his size to take control. Chuck is no bully, but he isn’t a push over, the number of fights he has gotten into….well, the number is a big one. His grades slip, he doesn’t fail, but he doesn’t achieve the best that he can. His nana tries to help him, but it isn’t the same. So what if he comes home with bruises and split lips?

Part of him acts out because he wants his dad, his nana tells him. Chuck only scoffs, he doesn’t need his dad. He is doing fine with only seeing him once a day, if at that.

_He doesn’t want me and I don’t need him._

He has Max.

……………………………………….

It is two years after his mother has passed away, that the Kaiju’s attack. The world changes and Chuck stands still, watching the creature destroy the city on the TV. He watches them in awe, wondering if it would be coming to Australia? It came from the ocean and Chuck can’t help but rush to his window, to stare out towards the coast.

_Please._

People are dying and he’s seen the movies. The monsters will come and there will be nothing he can do about it. Chuck wants to call his dad, tell him to come home, admit to him that he is terrified. Instead, he prays with all his heart that his dad remains safe, that when the monsters come he does not become a hero. His dad can’t die, so he prays that he sees his dad again. He falls asleep by the door, his bag next to him, Max in his arms, his dad’s jacket wrapped around them…..

His dad is there when he finally awakes.

Chuck stares at him, unsure of what to do, but Max knows. He bounds over and tackles Herc down, and soon Chuck is too. It is two years since his mother died and this is the first time they’ve hugged each other like this.

They stay like that, hugging each other, ignoring the fact that they are crying.

They don’t talk about that day either.

Chuck doesn’t like that his father is out there, training, learning more about the Kaiju’s. They argue more, and soon, all they do is scream at each other.

_What about me dad? What will happen to me if you die? Don’t you care? Huh? Just tell me now! If I’m such a bother just tell me now! Max and I will leave! Tell me!_

He hates the Kaiju, hates them, blames them for their arguments.

He finds himself thinking that he hates his dad.

A tiny part of him blames his mom for leaving them.

He sticks with Max, watching the news, listening about the Kaijus and the Jaegers, trying to finish his homework. His dad is out there, protecting Australia, no, not just Australia, but the world.

A hero.

His mom always said his dad was a hero.

_You are my hero, my little boy, my Chuck._

…………………

He doesn’t say anything, keeping to himself in school. The drills happen every week, Chuck doesn’t like them. He doesn’t want to be there, he wants to be in the Academy.

He wants to be with his father. He is thriteen now, too old to be thinking those things. He shouldn’t be crying over his dad, over missing him. He should be thinking about parties, about missing school, about girls.

He watches Beverly, her name was Beverly; he watches her walk hand in hand with the captain of the Volleyball team. She is beautiful, but he doesn’t see himself asking her out. Chuck can’t see himself asking anyone out. But he does go out; he dates this pretty little girl, bright red hair and bright blue eyes. She is smart and soft spoken, he likes her.

They go out for two months before she moves with her family to another city. His heart doesn’t shatter, he doesn’t think his heart has ever healed from the death of his mother. But he decides that maybe, love is not for him.

Chuck ignores it when he finds himself glancing at that one brunette in the track team. Chuck doesn’t like guys. He doesn't. he isn’t sure why, but he fears admitting otherwise

“There is nothing wrong, Chuck, with liking someone of the same gender.” His nana kisses him on the forehead and bakes him cookies, but it doesn’t lessen the fear in Chuck’s heart. The world is a cruel place.

He already sees little of his dad as it is.

Max nibbles on his hand, his constant source of comfort.

……………………………….

He meets Mako on his first day at the Academy. She is withdrawn, but she is cute, petite, compared to his always burly figure. He feels he can break her, but she is the only one sitting by herself. More important, she is his age. Everyone else is older, barely sparing him a glance, so he makes his way over, Max trotting next to him.

Her eyes widen, they are guarded, but Max is there, slobbering all over her. Chuck laughs and pulls him away, but he sees the hesitation on her face, his lips move ready to apologize, suddenly she smiles. It is a beautiful smile.

So he smiles back, finally able to breathe again since that fateful argument with his father.

………………………….

They train hard, Mako always pushing him.

She knocks him down, again, again, and again. Every single time, she smiles and tells him he is improving. Every single time, he throws his sweaty towel at her, to hear her scream at him.

There is a lot of anger, of rage, within her, and he still remembers the first day he witnesses it. One of the other pilots makes a comment about how everything they are doing is worthless.

Chucks stands back, watches as Mako easily flips the man onto his back. Stacker comes in to pull her off the man before she breaks his arm. Chuck stares at her and there is no denying there is a hesitation when he goes to train with her the next day. She looks the same to him, a nervous smile on her lips as she plays with the hem of her shirt.

He grins and takes his stance. She smiles. Her smile is beautiful.

“Never thought you would be a little ball full of rage.” Chuck tells her from his place on the mat, having just been knocked down again.

“I lost control, it shouldn’t have happened.” Mako muttered, guilt visible on her face, but Chuck just waves his hand in the air.

“No, it’s good. Letting it out is better than keeping it in.”

“But you must also be able to control it.” She shoots him a pointed look, and he knows she means his more than volatile nature. He doesn’t hide his anger, doesn’t control, it is the only way he knows to feel.

“I don’t know what else there is but anger.” He tells her the truth, watches the way her face softens. She has had someone to be there for her, he…he at least has Max, so it could be worse.

………………………..

Chuck doesn’t know if they are friends, but he doesn’t think about anything else, until his dad brings it up.

“Chuck, you be careful with Mako, ya hear?”

Chuck wants to tell his father that Mako could easily break him in half if she wanted to. If someone needs to be warned it should be Mako…and then it clicks. His dad thinks he likes her like that?

He doesn’t say anything, because he never thought about it. So he thinks about it, pictures himself with her…. he doesn’t see anything but what they already do.

“Dad thinks we are going out.” Chucks brings it up, sitting up on the mats. Mako looks at him, surprised, but then she smiles.

“You talk too much and are too bulky.” She teases and Chuck pretends to be offended, throwing her his towel, laughing when she makes a face about his dirty towel. He does talk too much, to fill in the silence, he doesn’t like the silence. He is also bulky, no denying that, he isn’t massive, but he is big. Nothing can be done about his wide shoulders.

This is their relationship, friendship. They are friends. His grin doesn’t leave his face for the whole week, because he has a friend. Someone other than Max.

“We are just friends dad.” Chuck tells his dad the next time Herc tries to bring up the subject. He looks at Chuck, skeptical and Mako advices Chuck that maybe he should tell him about his preferences.

Chuck shoots that down immediately. Not yet.

And then, he sees the Becket brothers, and Mako swears that there is a puddle of drool that did not come from Max. He turns bright red and how can anyone not see how devious Mako really is?

“You should ask your dad about them if you are so interested in them.” Mako tells him, after another day of nonstop talking about them. He knows that she is annoyed, and he doesn’t even know that he is bringing them up in conversation.

He doesn’t mean to bring it up, it just happens. He doesn’t ask his dad. He would rather not.

His dad doesn’t bring up his relationship with Mako anymore

For a few months, his life is a routine, and then it isn’t.

……………………………………

The news spread and in hours, they all know that the brothers Becket are no more. Gone.

Mako sits next to him, neither moving as they stare out at the sea.

“I know you think I had crush on them.” Chuck starts, angry at himself at how sad he sounded. He didn’t want to sound sad, didn’t want to be affected by this. He didn’t even know then.

“But….they were heroes.”

_You are a hero, my little boy, my Chuck._

Mako nods, placing her hand on his arm. Chuck is not sure if she understands him, understands that he saw in them, the two of them, not only heroes, but family. The two brothers, saving the world, connected…..everyone talked about them.....his dad talked about them.

Chuck wants that, wants his dad to be proud of him, to talk of him, wants people to notice him. He wants the attention.

He laughs and they both ignore the few tears that run down his face.

………………………………………

He had so much hope for his relationship with his dad to finally be fixed. Chuck didn’t voice it, tried to not even think about it, afraid his dad would so easily catch on to it.

Except....their relationship stays the same….yet not…he knows that his dad loves him, can see the memories, feel the same feelings. He has seen things he never wanted to see about his parents, but then he has also seen moments of tenderness….he sees the way his dad sees him, and it is beautiful and painful. He wants to be able to say things, but he doesn’t know how. He doesn’t know how to be anything other than what he made himself be. He knows he doesn’t have to say anything, that his Dad must know, he has been in his mind….but it is not the same.

But no matter how many times they drift, they don’t talk. They don’t know how to talk.

Mako watches him, sad smile on her lips, and he doesn’t know what to say. When he opens his mouth, either he says the wrong thing or no words make it pass his lips.

She wants to be out there and Chuck likes to think that they could be drift compatible, maybe. There are moments when they are in synch, when she reads him so easily and he can read her. Except, there are other times when they are so out of it, people avoid them.

Still, Mako is there to see him off and Max stays by her side. Chuck lets her take care of him while he is gone and she knows, that if anything were to happen to him, she is trusted with Max. It is the only way he knows how to apologize to her, only way to tell her that he wishes she was out there, fulfilling her dreams.

He doesn’t tell her that part of him is glad she isn’t, because he doesn’t want to lose her. She wouldn’t appreciate that too much, so he doesn’t say it. He wouldn’t know how to say it to begin with.

..............................

It is funny, because his dad sits him down and tells him the news. Raleigh Becket survived.

There are many things that run through Chuck’s mind. Things that he wants to say.

_Why are you telling me this? Why should I care that he survived? So? What does that have to do with me? I don’t care. Stop wasting my time._

Except he doesn’t say any of those things because his dad already knows. His dad knows.

“Is he coming back then?”

“I don’t know.”

Chuck nods, and there are things he wants to ask, like why? Are you angry at me? Disappointed? Is this ok? But he already knows, he already knows all that, so what’s the point in asking?

He throws himself into fighting the Kaiju.

He becomes louder, angrier, he doesn’t think about heroes. Doesn’t think about Raleigh Beckett. Doesn’t think about the sadness on Mako’s face. Doesn’t think about the things that his dad can’t say. He doesn’t think about how everyone sees him, the annoying kid.

Always that annoying kid.

………………………………………

And then the program is coming to an end. A final plan is made and one Raleigh Becket is brought back from his hideout.

He is pissed off, anger courses through his vein. Made stronger by the fact that in those few seconds when he first heard the news, he had felt elation, eagerness at meeting him….. but Raleigh is no hero anymore, he is a coward. An old man coming back for some last few moments of glory…that is all.

Chuck didn’t accept him, wouldn’t accept him, and he made it quite clear.

He doesn’t notice the way Mako looks at Raleigh. Doesn’t notice the way Raleigh looks at Mako.

More importantly, he doesn’t notice the blue of Raleigh’s eyes nor the scars on his chest. No. He doesn’t notice any of those things. They don’t affect him.

His dad looks at him and Chuck fidgets under his stare. Max bumps his head against Chuck’s leg, trying to comfort him, Chuck smiles. 

They will have to drift and he will feel his dad’s disappointment, not only for Chuck but for himself. Chuck doesn’t know which one is worse.

……………………………………..

He watches the way that Mako and Raleigh spar and it is obvious that they are drift compatible. He is hurt, and he doesn’t like it. He feels vulnerable, they are making him feel vulnerable. He doesn’t like it.

_Apologize to her._

It is no excuse for the things he calls Mako. He deserves the beating and he knows it, but he’ll never admit it. Not to Raleigh. He won’t admit that he feels betrayed, or that he still finds himself thinking about Raleigh in ways that he shouldn’t.

He sits through his dad’s rant, knowing very well what he was saying. He knows.

He takes care of his bust lip, before letting Max out to find Mako. He follows Max and stays behind as he goes to her. She knows that he is there, but she doesn’t turn, he doesn’t expect her to. He leaves Max with her, she needs it more than he does.

He doesn’t see Raleigh sit next to Mako, nor does he see the way that Max slobbers all over Raleigh. Max however, makes his way back to Chuck’s room, Raleigh in tow.

There is no hiding the surprise Chuck feels when he opens the door, expecting anyone but Raleigh. He looks down at Max, not amused with him, but Max only barks and Chuck forgives him. He doesn’t look at Raleigh when he bends down to scratch Max under his ear, but he does utter the softest of thank you’s for seeing Max home safely.

He doesn’t wait to hear the response and runs back into his room, slamming his door shut.

He avoids Raleigh like the plague. It is better that way.

………………………….

His father thanks Raleigh and Mako, on their behalf. Chuck wouldn’t know how to begin.

Max pants up at Mako, who pats him on the head and Raleigh grins, squatting to ruffle Max’s fur. Chuck frowns, hesitant at first, before turning around and walking away. Max would make his way back to him, he always did.

They were saved by those two.

Heroes. They really are heroes. Chuck always knew that Mako would be a heroine, she put up with him after all.

Raleigh Becket.

Chuck doesn’t know what he thinks about him anymore. He is tired, and besides, with death looming above him, did it matter? Did anything mattered now?

Death awaits for him, and he wonders if he’ll see his mom again. He thinks about his father, thinks that he would rather pilot alone than take him to certain death. If he could do this, he would, save his father, at least. He couldn’t save his mother, but his dad, maybe?

He doesn’t know what to feel when he hears that his father won’t be piloting with him.

The part of him that is still very much a child wants to cry. How can he do this without his father? So he makes a tantrum, and he is surprised to find out who he is piloting with. Stacker Pentecost. His mouth is running and he can’t stop it. The rebuttal is painful.

_Egotistical jerk. Daddy issues._

Sounds about right. That is who he is, he knows it, everyone else does.

But nothing matters because for the first time, he is able to talk to his father. For the first time in years, he sees the love, hears it, feels it.

_I know._

His father will live, he will survive all of this, Chuck would make sure of it.

_That’s my son._

…………………………………

Chuck is a hero.

For the first time, he is proud of who he has become. He is more than just the egotistical jerk, the big shot kid, the boy with the daddy issues. He is more than all that. 

These last few seconds of his life are full of relief…..

…………………………………..

_“Good job, my little boy, you made it to me!” She laughs, twirling him around in her arms. He giggles, holding onto her, clutching her for dear life. She is love._

_“Now you have to show daddy, ok? Show daddy that you can walk now.” She places him back down but he cries, because he is tired. He doesn’t see daddy anywhere._

_“Shh, it isn’t that far Chuck, He is right over there, go to him.” She holds him steady, slowly pushing him forward. He can see his dad, in the distance, so he takes a tentative step forward, and then another, and another._

_“That’s it, my brave little boy, keep going.”_

_Chuck wobbles but then his steps become irmer, and firmer, and soon he is speeding up._

_“Go Chuck! Go!”_

_Run my little hero, my Chuck._

_He runs arms outstretched, ready to wrap around his dad…._

………………………………

He gasps for air and suddenly there is a blinding light and voices.

“Chuck! Son! He’s awake!” 

**Author's Note:**

> so chuck lives, and while he recovers, he and raleigh fall in love and mako and max help get them together. 
> 
> the end.


End file.
